Monday, November 19, 2012

A new occupation

Last week I made a big decision I thought was going to be really easy to make.  Over the past three months I've been on maternity leave from my job and all of my life I knew I wanted to be a stay at home mom and raise my children, but when it came down to actually making that decision, I didn't realize how hard it was going to be.  

I've been taught to work hard, get an education, and make something of myself.  I've had a job every since I was 12.  All I knew in my life was working. Work was my sense of accomplishment in life.  I thought I had my mind made up about staying home but was nervous I would long for that sense of accomplishment I felt  at work.

For nine months I have been going back and forth on the idea of going back to work.  Some days I would think, "I've waited five and a half years to have a baby so I could stay home, why am I trying to justify not staying home?"  The next day I would think, "Am I going to feel satisfied enough as a person if I stay home?"

It wasn't until about two months ago I was reading through the dozens of blogs I faithfully read and follow when I came across a blog of an old co-worker of mine named Jenna.  Jenna is a self taught and very successful blog designer and a designer of beautiful things; she's also one of the girls behind this way cute children's blog called Small Fry.  She wrote on her blog that she was closing her shop so she could spend more time with her two little boys.  She went on to say that it was an extremely difficult decision and how life is about making brave decisions and making sacrifices.

What she wrote was exactly what I needed to hear.  I realized that I needed to make a brave choice and sometimes in life you gotta sacrifice for what's best. Seeing a very successful person give up her life work for her two children is remarkable and commendable.  I decided I want to be one of those brave women to put their work life on hold so they can rear and raise their most precious gift, they're children.  Jenna's decision gave me the courage to make that decision I knew deep down inside was the right one. To stay home with my beautiful Amelia, to raise, teach, love, and care for her.  It wasn't easy, but I knew for me it was the right decision.

I've learned a lot about myself in these past three months since Amelia's been born.  I've learned a lot about myself and especially my weaknesses. They've revealed themselves in the ten fold.  Through this little journey of mine I've realized the unknown scared me.  Not knowing how I would adjust to motherhood, staying home, nursing, and not working.

Last week I signed my resignation papers at my work and have felt tremendous peace.  I'm going to miss everyone I worked with, they were my second family.  This has been a very spiritual and self evaluating experience for me.  I've been blessed in so many ways since this decision.  My mind has been working in overdrive on ways I can use my skills and talents for the future.  I'm grateful because I might have not had these ideas of inspiration if I went back to work.  Sometimes working in the corporate world can leave you feeling like you have no sense of creativity or originality.

I've come to the conclusion that I want to pursue my passions in life.  I've been working on some small projects recently and look forward to sharing them with everyone.  Again, thanks to my friends and family  who've supported me 100% in this decision, especially my husband who I love dearly.  Amelia, I look forward to spending every day with you for the next 18 years.  

1 comment:

Annaliese Gabriel said...

Wow Courtney, that was so powerful. Thanks