Sunday, December 13, 2009

I'm back from a 6 month break

I've been pondering lately about the last 6 months of my life. I thought that life would sort itself out more because I didn't have school to worry about. I've found myself having more time on my hand then I know what to do with it. I felt like I haven't used that time wisely. This semester has been very stressful for McKay, he spends most of his days and nights at school until late. This is his senior year and he's been busy with laser projects, studying, and applying for graduate school. McKay and I had these wonderful plans of getting into a Master Programs, getting school paid for, having the opportunity to move away, buying a house, and all of the excitement of having our lives change. I would read friends Facebook statuses and blog entries and see all of the wonderful things happen to them and think, "When is it my turn to have something fabulous happen to me?"

I have to admit it's hard not to be envious or compare yourself to these great accomplishes. This week as I was in self loathing about how some of our plans haven't turned out the way we wanted. I was at work this week talking to my Manager and we were talking about stuff. And she said to me, "Courtney, you should feel grateful." It kind of caught me off guard because I've always thought of myself as a grateful person. While I was driving from work I was waiting for the light to turn green, I looked in front of me and there was a bumper sticker on a car that said, "What are you grateful for?" I felt like I was in the movie Bruce Almighty where he's driving in his car and everything he hears and sees has to do with God.

I thought to myself as I drove through the light that these past six months have been full of ungratefulness. I need to find ways to express my gratitude. Whether it's reaching out to others at church, staying in touch with friends and family, being a being a better friend and wife, doing small act of service for others, and stop this self-loathing. I'm done with this. I need to embrace my life now! I'm going to fill my time with things that are going to make my life better and happier. I'm sorry blog friends, I haven't been a good blogging friend. I'm back to myself again.

6 comments:

Matthew and Sara said...

Oh Courtney i love you. You always make me so happy. I am GRATEFUL FOR YOU! There has been a few times where i have said to myself "i wish i was more like Courtney" because you are always so fun to be with and upbeat its addictive. i just think you're wonderful! I also know how it feels to look at your life and think "this is not how i pictured it" and to have an engineer husband that spends countless hours doing nerd things. We should start a support group, or at least go shopping! :) love ya.

Taylor said...

Oh Court, you've got a good head on your shoulders! I miss you! We should plan a date or something, we're doubling with Lauren & Bryce this Saturday (ice skating @ the Galivan Center), you two are invited if you'd like to come! If not, another time for sure!

The Rasmussens said...

I know where you are coming from Court! But we'll get there one day and have all those fabulous things! I've just tried to live in the here and now which is hard for me. I love you and can't wait to do something with you guys again in a few weeks!!

The Kauwe's said...

glad to have you back :)

mare said...

court, i've been learning the same lesson as i have been studying but not getting straight A's like other people i know. its such a gift to be grateful and content. thanks for sharing.

Tage and Amber said...

I don't think this at all hon. you have always been a grateful, happy, positive person and i think we all have hard times when we get frustrated. i think we all have to learn to enjoy what stage we are in our life cuz it won't come again. just enjoy the ride. that's hard for all of us during stressful times. love you and you're not alone in this.