Saturday, August 18, 2012

Dear Amelia

Dear Amelia, 

It's 11:44 p.m. and I'm laying in bed in my post partum room in the hospital and I thought I would write you a small letter.  You were born yesterday and I've never have felt such a wide range of emotion and love for something I've only been acquainted with for less than 48 hours.  I heard of expecting mothers doing this and thought this would be a good idea so I don't forget some of the things I've been feeling up to this point.

Yesterday you were born and I've been thinking of this day all of my life when I would give birth to my first child and meet you for the first time.  I can't believe it's come.  I felt this way when I married your dad.  I kept thinking to myself, "I can't believe I'm getting married.  I can't believe I found this wonderful man to marry, to be the father of my children and grow old together."  Your dad and I waited a while to have you and I hope you understand it wasn't because we didn't want you, it was we needed those years to help prepare us to be your mom and dad.  

It took us a little longer to get pregnant with you. At the time it was kind of hard, but I'm glad we went through that.  When we left it to the Lord, that was when it was the right time.  A week before I found out I was pregnant with you we got Winston. He's been a great addition to our little family and I'm sure the two of you will love each other very much. You can say Winston has been our guinea pig, he's taught us how to take care of a living thing, other than a plant.    

I remember the day I found out I was pregnant with you.  After many months of failed pregnancy tests, I got a positive test result and I couldn't believe it!  I sat on my bed for about ten minutes with the positive pregnancy stick in my hand thinking to myself, "Is this for real?"

For as long as I can remember, I knew deep down inside you were going to be a little girl. I had a dream about you early on in my pregnancy.  In my dream your great-grandpa and grandma Craig's house was on fire.  I went up to the house to make sure grandma and grandpa were out of the house.  As I did this flames were spitting out of the back door.  As I backed away from the flames I saw this beautiful baby crawling on the ground inside entry of the house. All I can remember of this beautiful baby was she had auburn hair and these big beautiful eyes.  As soon as I saw her I knew it was you.  Without even thinking I ran into the house and grabbed you and shielded you from the flames and carried you to safety.  I instantly woke myself up from this dream hoping that it wasn't real.  When I came to my senses I was so upset about it I didn't sleep the rest of the night.  That was a crappy dream to have, but I know deep down inside that was you and it made me even more excited to meet this beautiful little girl who would be my daughter.   

At 16 weeks we received some test results from you and they came back negative for some serious health problems.  This worried your dad and I to death.  We were able to get an early ultrasound of you to make sure everything was ok.  We later found out the test result was due to human error and that you were healthy and 100% fine.   The only good thing about experiencing this was I was able to confirm that you were indeed a girl. Your dad thought you were going to be a little boy, but I knew he was wrong.  

I'm a really lucky girl.  I didn't have any complications during my pregnancy with you.  Not once did I feel morning sickness, get nauseous, throw up, or was super sensitive to smells and foods.  My appetite did change quite a bit.  To be honest, my appetite increased significantly.  I'm sorry if you inherited my sweet tooth and my love of carbs.

I'm in no way curvaceous or voluptuous, but when I was pregnant with you I never felt more like a woman. Real women have curves and I sure did with you.  Thank you for making me feel busty and hippy.  It was nice to feel like that for a while.

I'll never forget feeling you inside of me moving around like you were doing the tango.  To see you move from one side of my stomach to the other side was always a treat, well most of the time. But it always reassured me that you were in there alive and kicking.

I hope you enjoy being outdoors, being active, going swimming, gardening, sewing, cooking, and decorating because that's what I did a lot with you.  It was fun to have a little buddy to haul around to keep me company.  

This week when I went to my doctor appointment and he told me he was going to induce me, I couldn't believe it. Two nights ago as I was getting ready for bed, knowing that next day I would meet you, I couldn't stop thinking about how my life was forever going to change.  By you coming into my life would change my life, but change me as a person.  I love your dad so much, but have never have felt such instantaneously love for anything as much as I did when I first laid my eyes on you.  The things that mattered to me before you were born don't anymore.  I don't care I have an extra 30 lbs on me, a flabby stomach, and big bags underneath my eyes.  All I care about is loving and taking care of you, teaching you the important things in life, and being a good parent to you.

I feel so honored and lucky you chose your dad and I to be your parents.  I feel extremely blessed to have you in my life.  I can't wait to spend everyday with you.  I know there will be hard days, we might not always see eye to eye, or get a long, but I know that I will learn so much from you.  I hope I can teach you right principles so you can be successful in life.  

Love you so much,

Your Mom.


Adria said...

Congrats!! We Turetzky's couldn't be happier for you! She's beautiful, and I highly doubt you have an extra 30 lbs. on you right now :) In 5 months you'll be surprised to find that you look like you never even had a baby! Best wishes for a quick recovery and good health to you and baby Amelia :)

Kristi said...

This is SUCH a sweet post and one that I'm sure you and Amelia will read again and again. She is one lucky girl to have inherited her mom's beauty. Hugs to all of you!!

Aunt Karen said...

Britt warned me that this would make me for my birthday today I did just what I wanted to, and read your blog and cried. Love you so much Courtney. I have always respected you and have full confidence in your ability to be a great wife and mother.

Don't expect too much of yourself. Amelia doesn't know that you are not perfect! Love, Aunt Karen